Tip of the Hat/Wag of the Finger
It's Sunday, which means that it has been three days since the last episode of The Colbert Report. Don't worry! Here are the opinions of the day:
A wag of the finger to donuts - These sweet treats attract terrorists, who can't resist glaze and frosting.
A tip of the hat to walking - Since immigration agents started walking around, this seemingly innocent activity is creating great fear among illegal immigrants in southern California. And, as a bonus, the agents are losing weight.
A wag of the finger to walking - Since illegal immigrants began to fear this seemingly innocent activity, fewer of them are leaving their homes to go shopping. Illegal immigrants, do your American duty and buy as many things as possible!
A tip of the hat to development - America is opening its national parks to subdivisions, chain stores, and much more. With nature out of the way, we won't have to deal with all those trees and animals, and we won't have to drive so far to get to Wal-Mart.
A wag of the finger to Social Security numbers - A laptop with personal information about government employees, including their social security numbers, was stolen. In order to prevent future problems with identity theft from occurring, the government needs to stop issuing people Social Security numbers.
A wag of the finger to cars - For causing so many motorcycle accidents. Since Florida governor Jeb Bush repealed the state's mandatory helmet law, deaths from motorcycle accidents have skyrocketed, and as motorcyclist Dave Carroll says, "What causes most of the crashes is cars." In order to stop all these senseless deaths, cars are going to have to be banned.
A wag of the finger to donuts - These sweet treats attract terrorists, who can't resist glaze and frosting.
A tip of the hat to walking - Since immigration agents started walking around, this seemingly innocent activity is creating great fear among illegal immigrants in southern California. And, as a bonus, the agents are losing weight.
A wag of the finger to walking - Since illegal immigrants began to fear this seemingly innocent activity, fewer of them are leaving their homes to go shopping. Illegal immigrants, do your American duty and buy as many things as possible!
A tip of the hat to development - America is opening its national parks to subdivisions, chain stores, and much more. With nature out of the way, we won't have to deal with all those trees and animals, and we won't have to drive so far to get to Wal-Mart.
A wag of the finger to Social Security numbers - A laptop with personal information about government employees, including their social security numbers, was stolen. In order to prevent future problems with identity theft from occurring, the government needs to stop issuing people Social Security numbers.
A wag of the finger to cars - For causing so many motorcycle accidents. Since Florida governor Jeb Bush repealed the state's mandatory helmet law, deaths from motorcycle accidents have skyrocketed, and as motorcyclist Dave Carroll says, "What causes most of the crashes is cars." In order to stop all these senseless deaths, cars are going to have to be banned.
posted by Liz at 12:10 PM
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