How to Remain Entertained When Nobody Is Around and You Have Nothing to Do
1. Start a new religion. You’ll need to select a god, or gods, and you’ll also need to come up with some sort of theology. Once you’ve done that, you’ll need to find some followers. Create a website, print up some brochures, and consider putting up a billboard. Go someplace where there are a lot of people (a university, a shopping mall, Wal-Mart) and pass out your brochures to passersby. Be sure to tell them all the terrible things that will happen to them if they don’t join your religion. Once you get enough followers, build a huge warehouse, call it a church, and spend all the money you get from your followers on building improvements.
2. Do some political canvassing. It’s an election year, and canvassing is a great way to meet new people. Most canvassers work in the evening, when people are eating dinner, which means that most people are home and ready to talk to anybody who comes to the door. First, find a candidate you think you can support. After that, learn as much as you can about your candidate’s opponent so you know what bad things to say about that person. Then, start knocking on doors! Tell people why they shouldn’t vote for your candidate’s opponent. Remember to point out that the other guy took bribes from Jack Abramoff. Don’t say anything about your candidate, because he doesn’t really have anything going for him.
3. Go on a road trip. Some people are convinced that we’re running out of oil, so you better take a good, long road trip while you still can. Use as much gas as possible, because there might not be as much next year. Maybe rent a Hummer. Hop on I-80 and drive from New York to San Francisco. By taking the interstate, you’ll avoid all the small towns and trees and mountains and weird people along the smaller highways. You don’t want that.
4. Get addicted to the internet. Find a forum or a blog where you can talk to people and just start typing. You’ll be addicted in no time, and you won’t need to find anything else to do. You won’t even need friends anymore, because all of your friends will be online. Sure, they’ll just be words on a screen, and you’ll never know for sure if you’re talking to a 50-year old man or a 19-year old woman, but that’s just part of the internet’s charm.
2. Do some political canvassing. It’s an election year, and canvassing is a great way to meet new people. Most canvassers work in the evening, when people are eating dinner, which means that most people are home and ready to talk to anybody who comes to the door. First, find a candidate you think you can support. After that, learn as much as you can about your candidate’s opponent so you know what bad things to say about that person. Then, start knocking on doors! Tell people why they shouldn’t vote for your candidate’s opponent. Remember to point out that the other guy took bribes from Jack Abramoff. Don’t say anything about your candidate, because he doesn’t really have anything going for him.
3. Go on a road trip. Some people are convinced that we’re running out of oil, so you better take a good, long road trip while you still can. Use as much gas as possible, because there might not be as much next year. Maybe rent a Hummer. Hop on I-80 and drive from New York to San Francisco. By taking the interstate, you’ll avoid all the small towns and trees and mountains and weird people along the smaller highways. You don’t want that.
4. Get addicted to the internet. Find a forum or a blog where you can talk to people and just start typing. You’ll be addicted in no time, and you won’t need to find anything else to do. You won’t even need friends anymore, because all of your friends will be online. Sure, they’ll just be words on a screen, and you’ll never know for sure if you’re talking to a 50-year old man or a 19-year old woman, but that’s just part of the internet’s charm.
posted by Liz at 6:47 PM
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